How to Spot a Narcissist on Dating Apps

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The dating apps are filled with amazing people and tons of opportunities for friends, hookups, and long-term partners, but they’re also filled with predators. Narcissists tend to prey on vulnerable people on the apps. Some research has even found that people with narcissistic personalities are more likely to use dating apps.

Unfortunately, it can be challenging to spot a narcissist on the apps unless you know what you’re looking for. It’s essential to understand the signs before you swipe. This is why I’ve created this guide on how to spot a narcissist on a dating app. Here are some of the red flags to look for before the narcissist charms their way into your heart.

1. Their Bios Brag About Their Accomplishments

A healthy dating app profile lists a few fun facts about someone, but a narcissist’s profile is often filled with their accomplishments. Their bio might say things like:

“CEO at 26.”
“I visited 16 countries this year.”
“First class only. I’ve earned it.”

Reading through their accomplishments may give you the ick, but they might also seem intriguing. The narcissist might seem motivated in a sea of underachieving men, so it can be easy to get caught up in their list of triumphs. But it’s important to remember that what may seem like pride is actually a vain display of status and superiority.

The narcissist is actually using a technique called framing, a manipulation tactic designed to get you to place them on a pedestal before you even get to know them.

2. They Show Off Their Best Physical Features

A narcissist will either have photos of their six-pack or mention it in their bio. They’ll make a point of sharing, “I’m 6’3”, in case that matters,” because they know women are attracted to this. And they’re likely to have more photos of themself in their profile than other guys you’ll come across on the dating apps, often taken at the same angle — since they already know their most flattering pose.

3. Their Profile Aims to Make You Feel Inferior

You’ll notice subtle things in their profile that are designed to make you feel inferior. For example, their bio might say things like:

“I’m the full package. You better be, too.”
“I need someone who can keep up with me.”
“I’m a catch. Don’t waste my time.”
“I have standards. Impress me.”
“I have my life together. Swipe left if you don’t.”

The narcissist wants everyone to think that they’re the most impressive person on the dating apps. But if you read between the lines, they really sound like a jerk.

When the narcissist uses their dating app bio to come off as superior, what they’re actually doing is using a manipulation tactic called grandiosity. They want to gain the upper hand right from the get-go.

4. They Give You Small Tests of Control and Power Early On

You’ll notice small power plays once you start talking to a narcissist on a dating app. Many of them open the conversation with comments about how lucky you are to have matched with them. They might tell you how no one else they’ve talked to on the apps was able to match their energy or meet their standards, which might make you feel like you need to try harder to keep them around. The narcissist might even go as far as to make little “playful” digs about your hobbies or interests (e.g., “You actually like jazz music? Ew. Just kidding.”

Another common narcissistic personality trait that you’ll see early on? They’ll want to know what made you swipe yes on them. Not only do narcissists thrive on external approval, but they also want to gauge how much power or control they have based on what you already find attractive about them. It helps them determine what areas they might need to manipulate to make you fall harder for them.

5. The Chat Feels One-Sided

When you first start chatting with someone on a dating app, the conversation should flow back and forth. You ask them a question, and then they ask you one in return. But when you talk to a narcissist on a dating app, you’ll notice that the chat feels one-sided in one of two ways.

Usually, the narcissist will talk about themselves only, never asking any questions about you. And if they do ask you about something, they might try to one-up it or turn the conversation back to themselves. It can be very draining.

On the other hand, a narcissist might talk more about you than themself. They might seem overly excited and eager to get to know you. The conversation might feel one-sided because they focus so much on you that they share very little about themselves.

6. They Love-Bomb You

Things will escalate fast — often too fast — with a narcissist. They’ll go from asking your favorite color to telling you that they think you could be soulmates. They’ll shower you with attention, compliments, and promises of what the future has in store for you both before you’ve even gotten to know each other.

Love-bombing can feel super intense, so it will likely raise alarms. But if you haven’t had a ton of luck on dating apps lately, you might find yourself falling for it. There are only so many commitmentphobes you can meet on Tinder before love-bombing can feel appealing.

7. They Talk About Their Exes

Naturally, talking about exes will likely come up in conversation. But if someone goes out of their way to talk about what a “psycho” or “drama queen” their ex was, this is a huge red flag.

The narcissist is always the victim, and every ex was the crazy one. Keep in mind that if you date them, you will eventually be added to their list of “crazy exes,” too — even though the reality is that they are the ones with a problem.

The Bottom Line

It can be so easy to get caught up in swiping on Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge that you end up coming across profiles that are filled with red flags. Keeping these tips in mind when you match with someone or start chatting with them on a dating app will help prevent you from getting completely caught up in a narcissist.

Be sure to listen to your intuition. If something feels off, stay away. And remember: If something feels too good to be true, it probably is.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.