If You Stop Doing This, You Will Never Be in a Situationship Ever Again

I never thought I would say this: the experience of being single and learning about dating before choosing one man to settle with was vital for my long-term happiness. Disclaimer: I am extremely picky, and it works for me. So I would only tell you this one thing:

“You can do whatever you like, if you can handle the consequences of your actions!”

The best advice I have ever received.

The moment I decided to do what I liked and handle the results no matter what, my life changed, and my dating life transformed.

Essentially, you are not too much; you do not have too high standards or expectations. You have your truth, and as long as you are okay with what comes out of it, you do not need to listen to anyone else. This is for the girlies that get shamed for wanting more than others…

I am a data girl, but also extremely intuitive. So I have a rare combination of being a girly girl with very strong analytical skills. Why am I sharing this? Because:

Ladies, learn to praise yourselves! Be proud of yourself. Appreciate your strengths, and work on your weaknesses.
I experience life a little bit like a game. I play, I get “killed,” I revisit what I did wrong, and I try again. This repeats until I master one level and go to the next. In that way, I made much faster progress in all areas of life.

Another disclaimer: I am a very good-looking girl, so I cannot speak from the experience of women who do not have good looks. Hence, these articles will be most useful for women who are good-looking but lack boundaries, self-worth, and focus on finding real love and the one. The rest are welcome to read, but bear in mind — looks are a big factor in my experience. Energy is an even bigger one, but I can comfortably admit I am no longer ignoring the fact that my life probably would be different if I were not good-looking. I also believe that if you think your life is the way it is only because of your looks, you should do something about it rather than just complain.

For example, I wanted to be thinner, so I started eating better and going to the gym. I wanted better skin, so I did something about it. Even if you are born with advantages, you need to develop them — it’s not about sitting and expecting things to happen out of the blue.

So what I want to share here are my absolute GOLDEN RULES when it comes to the pre-dating stage — so you can save yourself so much time, you won’t even realize it.

Women are very emotional. I can fall in love in one day — probably it’s not love, but that’s how it feels. In the past, I spent months and even years limerencing about guys, feeling he was the one when we had literally met once… ridiculous, looking back now. But after a while, I said to myself: If you are so weak emotionally, then you need to create a system for yourself that works for you in the beginner’s stage — where you’re not that good yet.

So, this is what I do when I like a guy or when a guy approaches me for the first time:

My Golden Rule for Checking If a Guy Is Reliable to Go Out With:

If we meet in person, he either asks me for my contact or later finds me online. If I decide to accept him (I like him visually, or I am curious), then I wait to see whether he will contact me within the same day, ideally within hours/minutes. This is absolutely bulletproof. I can tell you — I have data to conclude it works without mistake.

If he does not contact you immediately (max within the day), he is a player, he is passive, or he is not that interested. No reliable, stable, good man has ever delayed contacting me more than a few hours. All the rest who did, later turned out to be exactly that — players.

2. Then, ideally in a few lines, he initiates a date on a day that works for you. He plans the place, ideally asks what you prefer — coffee, lunch, dinner. He can also propose lunch or dinner directly, but if he offers a “walk” or “coffee/cocktails,” be prepared — he is stingy and not serious. No serious guy has ever asked me that. It’s like saying, “I’m not sure I want to pay for your meal before I know whether it’s worth it.” Ridiculous.

You don’t need stingy guys. If he has asked you out, he is supposed to know whether you are worth it. So if he offers only coffee, he is either underestimating you or directly showing you who he is. Ladies, this will save you soooo much time, trust me.

I spent so long wondering if this was too much of me, whether this was “gold-digging”, blah blah, until I realized through experience that this is simply respect and good manners. Honestly, I have never met a gentleman who minded paying for a meal. No matter how much he earns, it is truly not about money, and I want you to think about this. He doesn’t have to take you to Nobu or the Ritz — he can take you where he can afford — but he will show you that he is generous and caring.

3. He comes 5–10 minutes early to pick you up from home and kindly lets you know he is downstairs, but tells you not to rush and to take your time.

Not a single good man has failed to offer to pick me up. All the rest said, “Okay, let’s meet at 8 there.” Every time a guy has proposed to meet directly at the place, he turned out not to be a gentleman. I’m not being pretentious — just sharing my data.

4. He opens the door and (ideally) has brought flowers. Note: Sometimes a good guy may not bring flowers simply because of his culture.

Russians are the best because they have manners like no other — even if he isn’t rich, he knows how to treat you.

But he has to open the car door! If he doesn’t, kindly remind him by standing in front of it, cute and waiting. This isn’t about power dynamics; it’s about femininity. You don’t sit there being bratty — you are sweet and polite, simply waiting for him to be a gentleman. You bring it out of him without forcing him. This is huge.

5. Then you go wherever you choose — lunch, dinner, coffee (if you specifically asked for it). He makes you comfortable. You feel safe (your body feels relaxed; you listen to your gut, not your brain). He can lead the conversation, ask questions about you, sense whether you’re comfortable with topics, and genuinely make you feel at ease. He pays — no question. He takes you home. He never asks to come upstairs, and you never invite him. This is a golden rule. Even if he was good in all the above, if he asks that question , it’s over. (Though honestly, I’ve never met a guy who did everything above and then ruined it by asking to come up.)

6. He says he would like to see you again.

That’s the indication he, too, enjoyed it. Sometimes it’s simply not a match, and that’s fine. But if he tells you — he’d like to meet again, you know he likes you. For me, it has always been the good ones who asked — the bad ones were 50/50. They may wait a few days before texting, and this was always an indication for me that they are simply treating you as an option. The data confirmed it.

7. He messages again the same evening and the next morning/day. He follows up because he likes you. He’s not playing games — he is mature and serious about showing you through his actions that he likes you.

8. He initiates the second date.

Bonus Rule. Sometimes, I cannot tell immediately if he’s a good guy, so I like to check how much interest he shows before I agree to a date. I might say I’m not sure if I want to go out with him just to see what he’ll do. Every single time, the good one followed up the next day, asking again until I gave him a firm yes or no. The player, meanwhile, would follow up in a week or like a story a week/month later.

This, ladies, is my basic checklist. I cannot imagine going out with a guy who doesn’t do one of the above because:

If he fails at these, it means he’s not serious about dating you and probably just wants to have a good time.
He is testing your boundaries to see what type of woman you are and how much he can get away with.

Never forget: a guy who doesn’t lift a finger for one woman will build the Taj Mahal for another. Just be patient to attract the right one for you , which means saying no to all the rest, without fear of ending up alone.

Never, ever settle for less. Life reflects you. If you know you deserve more, even if it takes time, you will receive it. Trust me — it happened to me; there’s no reason it won’t happen to you.

I do not have time to waste. If he is “scared” or can’t be bothered to ask me out, why would I even want to go out with him? If you plan to have children with this man, do you really want their father to be someone who was too scared to ask a girl he liked out , so she had to make the first move? Hmm. Not my style.

Narcissists, manipulators, and wounded masculine men are not what I want for my children’s father.

I always look long-term: What would my ideal life look like, and would this choice I’m making today move me closer to or further from that life?

I am a planner. I know life is a marathon, not a sprint.

I wait for the right moment, the right opportunities, and the right people — because I don’t want anything less. And I have always been okay with handling the outcome. I knew that even if I stayed single my whole life, it would be better than being with a man I knew I had settled for.

It is always about what you want and how much you want it.

This is not me preaching what’s right or wrong — this is me sharing my experience for women who feel like me but are a step or two before that stage. I am your “future you” coming at the right moment to tell you: stay strong — it will happen if you truly believe it is possible. :*

If this resonated, go ahead and hit me with 50 claps. I clearly wasn’t praised enough as a child, so I’m making up for it today. Leave a comment too; I love external validation (even though I swear I don’t need it)