If You’re Reading “Make Them” Techniques in Love, This Is What You’re Signing Up for

Lately, I noticed how there is so much content focused mainly on making the other person feel or do what we want them to.

Many of them do work, in a way, simply because it often mimics what a person with a healthy sense of self and confidence would do in relationships.

However, as someone who dove deeper into psychology and relationships, I realized what might happen in the background as we devour this kind of content.

What it does to your inner beliefs and encodings

One dimension of learning that not many talk about, and yet it makes a huge difference, is that by learning something from someone, we often unconsciously adopt their patterns and beliefs as well.

This means if the person has damaging beliefs, such as “all men are trash”, their teachings can influence our mindset toward that direction, even if subconsciously.

Some time ago, I found myself dissecting books from sugar babies and sex workers. I was curious about their seduction tactics and whatever dark discoveries they’ve made about the psychology of men. And yet I found myself having my self-worth gradually being poisoned, because their core belief was that “a woman’s worth is in her sex/body”. Because I developed a higher level of self-awareness, I saw that coming right at the beginning, and stopped delving into that.

But not many people are as secure and self-aware, and they accidentally inherit these limiting, borderline toxic beliefs when they consume content from others, who might come from a place of unresolved bitterness towards life and relationships.

What it does to your relationship manifestations

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” ― C.G. Jung

By my own experience, I realized how we manifest the complementary reciprocal of the energy we embody and put out.

In other words, we attract each other like puzzles — where we have unresolved limiting beliefs or trauma, we attract people who have reciprocal trauma.

This is also why manipulation tactics often damage our relationship manifestation.

The need to manipulate comes from a place of needing to control a situation, which comes from a place of scarcity, stemming from fears and insecurities.

This kind of energy resonates with similar, complementary energies in others.

For example, in the pickup artists communities, men are often taught to pull away strategically to make women chase.

Healthy women find this kind of behavior a turn off, feeling that the feelings are either not reciprocal, so there’s no point in investing more into the connection, or they simply associate the man as inconsistent and incapable of building a solid relationship together.

But women who have insecurities and a fear of abandonment might feel that something might be wrong with them, or that they might need to prove themselves to keep the man interested.

Similarly, healthy men would pull away if a woman doesn’t seem interested in them, whereas men who have low self-worth might feel the need to chase hard and conquer the woman. And often when the woman finally shows some reciprocity, these men might lose interest, simply because they are too caught up in the pattern of needing the thrill of chasing and conquering a woman.

We can make someone attach to us through trauma bonding. But that is a delicate game that requires mastery in manipulation, just for the sake of keeping someone attached to us.

But the foundation of this attachment is trauma bonding and not a real connection. It takes a lot of energy to sustain, and if the manipulator fails to maintain the image, the interest is lost.

Manifesting better relationships

The key to manifesting more fulfilling, aligned relationships is really to start embodying healthier beliefs, mindset, and patterns.

Who are you learning from when it comes to relationships? Is the person you’re watching or listening to someone who has healthy relationships?

How does a certain content make you feel?

The things we learn should support us in becoming better individuals and partners by helping us understand each other and how to co-create relationships together.

It is to facilitate the blooming of a connection, rather than controlling and manipulating its existence.

If I have a deeper understanding of men and masculine essence, it helps me take things less personally and how we can communicate better.

Our shadows, fears and insecurities make it hard for the connection with someone to blossom. What we learn should help us dissolve all these instead of adding more to them.

But ultimately, the connection is either there or not there. It’s not something that we can fake, and yet the more we try to fake it, the more we draw in the reciprocal toxic energy.

Mónica Valverde is a daydreamer navigating the experience of human life. She’s in love with Spirituality, Inner Work and Relationships.

If you find this interesting, feel free to check out other related articles:

Behind Strong Attractions — The Magnetic Pull Between Us And Our Wound Counterparts

2 Things Hurt People Do That Hurt People Without Actually Realizing

Why We Have a Hard Time Avoiding Unhealthy, Toxic Relationships