My Husband Did This When I Begged Him to Save Our Marriage

I feel silly for what I’m about to say. In hindsight it’s abundantly clear. While my marriage was floundering it wasn’t. What can I say? Clouded hearts lead to clouded minds.

What did my husband do when I begged him to save our marriage??!!

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Do you grasp why I feel silly? I begged him to save our relationship. I begged him to care. I begged him to listen. In short, I begged a man. I pleaded with a guy.

Of course my husband did nothing.

This is what’s clear in hindsight. This is what’s absurd. If you have to beg a person to do something they probably never will, OR they may reluctantly do something.

It’s pure resistance.

Why did I bother?

It’s a one way street to nothing, zilch, zip, nada, bupkis.

If you’re begging your spouse to save your marriage…it’s already game over.

Likewise, if your spouse is the one begging you to save your relationship, it’s game over. There’s a reason they/you aren’t committed. The reasons may vary.

It could be a difficult personality, it could be spouses who’ve evolved into two different people, it could be a spouse who no longer feels the same way for the other, it could be bitterness, resentments, etc.

On the flip side…

When I gave up…my husband had an entirely different reaction.

He worked overtime to win me back.

On the surface this seems like a positive. A man who didn’t care suddenly cared. I wish I had never viewed it that way. Don’t make the same mistake that I made.

Let’s put this into dating terms.

You’re dating a guy (or a girl) and the relationship is tanking. It’s emotionally floundering. You aren’t happy. You express your feelings to your significant other. You beg them to care.

They don’t.

You give up.

You want to break up.

He (she) suddenly doesn’t want to lose you. They attempt to win you back. They profess their love. Would you stay? Sadly, many people do. But should you? Probably not.

We convince ourselves we should stay when it involves marriage.

We took vows, we have children, we own property, and so on.

I convinced myself.

Initially I didn’t think it was possible. I didn’t believe I loved my husband anymore. He could sense this. He could feel me drifting farther and farther away.

It’s why he wanted me back.

He was trying so hard I felt I had to give him a chance. It did seem like a positive back then. And then a lot of other emotions muddled their way in. I experienced a different type of emotional conflict.

I felt bad for wanting to leave.

You understand, right?!

I may have felt conflicted/sad about ending my marriage before my husband began to care. I didn’t feel bad about leaving. I had exhausted myself to his nonchalant bystander.

Now I was feeling bad.

I felt bad for him.

The same man who had spent years making me miserable.

I often write to intersect my two worlds, as a writer and a marketer. I tell some stories in a new light to dumb them down. It’s what we do in marketing. Okay, not necessarily ‘dumb it down.’

But we are forced to connect the dots in marketing.

We are forced to encapsulate a big concept in a condensed format.

We must make things simple, and instantly digestible. We have little time to get the consumers’ attention. Our message must be succinct. It must be clear. It must make sense.

I’m dumbing down marital begging.

If your spouse does nothing.

It’s game over.

Stop talking.

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This post was previously published on medium.com.