When “I’m Sorry” Isn’t Enough

How old were you when you realized that most apologies were just mood management?

“I’m sorry” is one phrase that gets said extensively, but often it’s just something to show, so everyone can move on and stop being uncomfortable. Real apologies don’t work that way.

A real apology always costs something, because if it didn’t cost the person apologizing anything (pride, convenience, control, reputation…something), it is most probably just empty noise. You see, the fake apology always tries to explain away stuff (“I didn’t mean it like that,” “I was stressed”, etc.), the real one, however, owns stuff.

So a true apology won’t come with caveats and also won’t try to rush you toward forgiveness either. Anyone who is truly sorry will understand that forgiveness isn’t a favor you dispense on cue. True forgiveness is a process that can sometimes be long, and sometimes never even materialize.

Here is also something you should never miss: a real apology changes behavior. And this is even if the forgiveness never comes. Countless many that will apologize beautifully, looking you in the eyes, maybe even shedding a tear or two, but then they go right back to doing the same thing, just expecting you to absorb it better this time and go right back to being okay. This is not remorse.

For me, a real apology will accept consequences and will not argue them down and argumentation is my clearest sign that someone isn’t actually sorry. Just know, if they don’t fully accept the consequences and if their life doesn’t change after the apology, the apology was never real.