When Will I Stop Thinking About My Ex?

Your ex is a part of your life (your history), so you’ll never completely stop thinking about your ex. Something will always remind you of your ex, whether it’s food, songs, places, words, people, or relationships. You won’t be able to get your ex out of your head completely, especially if you lived with your ex for years and went through something traumatic.

Despite that, eventually, you’ll stop obsessing over your ex and thinking about being with your ex. You’ll process the breakup, improve your self-confidence, and see that the world keeps spinning without your ex.

That’s when you’ll truly care about yourself (particularly your health, happiness, and well-being) and stop thinking about whether your ex is happy without you.

I can’t tell you exactly when that will happen because every dumpee processes the breakup at a different speed. Some dumpees (typically those with healthy coping mechanisms and some breakup experience) stop obsessing (not thinking) about their ex months after the breakup.

They understand their worth doesn’t depend on their ex’s rejection and post-breakup behavior, but rather on their self-love and contribution to the world.

Other (most) exes, however, need way longer to stop thinking about their ex. They need about a year to fully process rejection, separation anxiety, and fears and learn to live with mistakes, regrets, and loneliness. If during the detachment period, they stalk their ex, talk to their ex, or make other breakup mistakes, they develop obsessive patterns that disrupt their healing and prevent them from letting go.

The more they hold on to hope, the harder it becomes for them to stop analyzing the breakup and their ex’s behavior.

Therefore, when you stop thinking about your ex depends on the following things.

1. Whether you have any breakup experience.
2. How good your self-esteem is.
3. How you handle the breakup.
4. And what your ex says and does.

If your ex constantly reaches out (breadcrumbs you), updates you on his or her life, and makes you want to get back together, you’ll keep thinking about your ex longer than dumpees who cut their ex off and avoid receiving updates on their ex’s life.

That’s because you’ll feed your brain with unnecessary information and force yourself to keep thinking about your ex.

You’ll detox from your ex and recover the quickest if you live as if your ex doesn’t exist. You can do that by adhering to the rules of no contact and letting your ex be as happy as he or she wants. Your friends might tell you that your ex is doing great (with someone else), but you must remember that your ex’s happiness doesn’t concern you anymore and that it can’t worsen your life.

Not unless you allow your ex into your life and take your ex’s happiness and busy life personally. You must tell yourself that your ex broke up with you in order to be happy. He or she felt unfulfilled or trapped and decided to pursue his or her goals and happiness outside of the relationship.

At some point, your ex will also start dating. You can’t be around when that happens or you’ll compare yourself to the new person and stress about it. It’s best to stop interacting with your ex and stop yourself from knowing what your ex is up to.

So if you’re wondering when you’ll stop thinking about your ex, bear in mind that it won’t happen overnight. Detachment won’t happen that quickly because it’s not a matter of turning off a switch and being done with your ex. Healing requires time and many failed attempts to stop caring about your ex.

Thanks to your attachment, unmet cravings, nostalgia, and pain, your ex is engraved deep inside your brain. He or she is the person with the most influence in your life, so you’ll need a while to stop thinking about your ex.

A while is an understatement; the first few months after the breakup will be the worst. Your ex will occupy your mind all the time. You’ll think about your ex when you eat, walk, work, study, and even sleep. You won’t be able to stop analyzing the things you and your ex said and did before and after the breakup because your anxious brain won’t let you.

It will keep reminding you that you suffered a shock and that you need to do something about it.

Despite the obsession, you should soon notice that you feel better and think less about your ex when you diligently follow the principles of no contact. Every day without your ex should be a bit easier to get through. You may not notice it right away, but gradually, you’ll feel your strength, happiness, ambition, and purpose return to you.

The most noticeable change in well-being will happen 1 – 2 weeks after the breakup when you deal with the shock of rejection and abandonment and start to function normally. That will tell you that you’re capable of recovering and being happy.

Healing is a tedious process. Expect the breakup to give you a mental and emotional break when you come to terms with it and become okay with not getting back together with your ex. When you don’t want or need your ex back, you’ll stop thinking about your ex very quickly.

That’s because you won’t have any expectations of your ex and won’t depend on your ex for basic human needs such as self-love and safety. You’ll feel loved and safe on your own or may even be with someone else.

In today’s article, we discuss when you’ll stop thinking about your ex. We talk about the things you can do to ease your obsession with your ex.

When will I stop thinking about my ex?

You’ll stop thinking about your ex when your mind allows you. And it will allow you when you process everything that happened between you and your ex and fully let go of your ex.

You must understand that you’re thinking about your ex more than you’d like because you’re still trying to process the breakup and the pain your ex has caused you. You’re trying to regain control of your life by getting the answers you can’t currently get.

That leaves you stuck in a cycle of constant thinking. You’re mulling over the same topics over and over again as doing so gives you hope and reduces your anxiety. You’re expecting to discover something that could aid you in dealing with pain and help you feel better.

You’ll keep doing that until you’ve recovered to the point where your opinion of your ex changes and gives you a rational solution to your problem. A rational solution would be any positive advice that instructs you to focus on yourself and enjoy your life.

At the moment, you have a hard time enjoying your life. You want to be happy and stop thinking about your ex, but the emotional side of your brain doesn’t let you. It keeps reminding you that life was better when you felt secure and happy with your ex.

It’s not letting you think rationally about the times when you were unhappy.

To think rationally, you need to detach. And to detach, the emotional side of your brain needs to accept the breakup and understand why the breakup happened. It needs to show you your importance and convince you that you love yourself more than the person who left you.

When that happens, you won’t have a reason to think about your ex. You’ll think about yourself and those who have something positive to add to your life.

Your ex has something positive to add, but only now that you still consider him or her important.

The moment you get over your ex, your ex will lose significance in your eyes and get out of your head. He or she will transform into a person of no romantic or non-romantic value.

How long from now will happen depends on what you do with your free time. If you spend most days checking up on your ex and asking your friends to update you on your ex’s new and exciting life, you’ll get hurt and delay your healing for months or years.

This depends on how your ex acts and responds to you and how hopeful he or she makes you feel. If your ex makes you think the breakup is all your fault or conversely, that you might get back together, you’ll either need to process a lot of pain or have to find a way to let go of hope.

Both are bad as they’ll force you to think about your ex and neglect yourself.

Having said that, here’s an infographic showing when you’ll stop thinking about your dumper ex.

Simply put, you’ll stop thinking about your ex when you accept the breakup and find inner peace and happiness. It could take months or longer, depending on the intensity of the relationship. If your relationship lasted many years, and you had control issues or were codependent on your ex for self-love, purpose, money, and survivability, it will likely take you close to two years to fully process things.

It will take a long time because you won’t only need to learn to love yourself but also accept people’s decisions and feelings and create a self-sufficient life for yourself. The worse your self-esteem and the more internal work you have to do, the longer you can expect your thoughts about your ex to mess with your brain.

If you aren’t happy with your life, you’ll miss your ex more because you’ll miss having someone to rely on. That’s why you shouldn’t get into a relationship if you’re not happy with yourself and capable of taking care of your own needs.

How do I stop thinking about my ex?

If you want to stop thinking about your ex, you must take the breakup seriously and treat it as the end of the relationship.

Don’t try to rush the healing process by getting under someone else. Sex with another person while you’re still in love with your ex won’t heal your wounds and ease your obsession. If anything, it will make you rebound, miss your ex’s good traits, and delay your recovery.

When you see that the new person isn’t your ex and that he or she can’t fill the void in your chest, you’ll think about your ex even more and wonder if there’s a way to mend the broken relationship.

So instead of looking for quick solutions that will likely backfire, figure out why you’re thinking about your ex so much. Is it because you feel rejected and want your ex back or is your ego bruised and wants validation? If you have feelings for your ex, you’ll have to learn to cope with one-sided feelings and fall out of love.

The best way to do that is to remember your ex’s bad traits and remind yourself why the relationship failed and why your ex isn’t the right partner for you. This won’t instantly make you forget about your ex, but if you do it often and put your heart into it, you’ll start to believe your thoughts and emotions and stop fantasizing about your ex.

You’ll knock your ex off the pedestal and find something or someone else to focus on.

It’s important to start changing your opinion of your ex and the relationship with him or her right away. Write down your ex’s negative traits and behaviors. Read them as often as possible because they’ll remind you that your ex is far from perfect and that you’re not solely to blame for the breakup.

It’s okay to occasionally think about your ex. Thinking helps you gain a bit of control over the breakup and eases your suffering. The key to stop thinking about your ex is to think about your ex only when you’re anxious, depressed, and hopeless. When you’re doing okay, you must think about something else.

By doing so, you’ll slowly rewire your brain and break the pattern of obsessing over your ex.

It will take time, but that’s okay. As long as you stay busy and do your best not to obsess over your ex, you’re building self-discipline and moving forward with your life. You’re processing the breakup at your own rate and learning to live with purpose.

It will be nearly impossible to stop thinking about your ex by force. You may be able to distract yourself for a minute or two with some urgent matters, but you won’t be able to ignore the problem (the need for answers and healing) for long. Sooner than later, you’ll start craving your ex’s reassurance and love.

That’s why you need to accept that you’ll have ups and downs on your journey to recovery. You’ll have positive days when you feel in control of your thoughts and emotions and setback days when you feel like breaking no contact and letting your ex know how you feel.

You may not be able to control how you feel all the time, but you can control your actions. You decide whether you reach out to your ex, beg for another chance, and do other desperate things that get you rejected and make you think about your ex longer.

So control the things you can control and slowly learn to manage your thoughts and emotions. Over time, it will get easier. You’ll notice that no contact has helped you get your thoughts under control and relieve your anxiety.

When you understand the benefits of no contact, you’ll want to stay in it and feel much less tempted to contact your ex and risk getting hurt.

Most dumpees feel much less obsessed with their ex 3-4 months after the breakup. They’re far from healed, but they’re able to focus on things besides their ex. This is because they improve their self-esteem and understand the importance of focusing on different things and people.

If you do the indefinite no contact, you’ll eventually stop thinking and caring about your ex. It’s not a matter of if but when.

While you’re keeping your distance from your ex, make sure to surround yourself with empathetic people. Keep an active lifestyle and don’t be afraid to seek professional support.

If you talk to supportive people about your ex when you’re struggling and stay busy when you’re not, you’ll learn you don’t need your ex to be happy.

So give yourself time to process the separation and rediscover your worth and passion for life. When you have your old, happy self back, you won’t care what your ex thinks, feels, and does. You’ll have plenty of better things to think about.

Are you wondering when you’ll stop thinking about your ex? When did you stop thinking about your previous exes? Comment below and let us know.

And if you’d like to talk to us privately about your ex, visit our coaching page to get in touch.