Is Being an Alpha Female Hurting Your Chances of Finding Love After 50?
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I admit it. I can be quite the Alpha Female who had to learn how to deal with men in a different way.
I’d always gotten along with men, laughing, joking, and just enjoying their energy.
It wasn’t until I heard the words, “You don’t know how to let a man be a man” from two different men that I realized something wasn’t right.
(If you’ve ever heard my story, this was a turning point in my life and what ultimately lead me to becoming a dating coach guiding women on the journey of attracting love with a good man into their life after 50.)
Back to the story . . .I really didn’t know what those words, “You don’t know how to let a man be a man” meant.
Did it mean I was supposed to be a doormat and just lie down and let them walk all over me?
Did it mean I didn’t have a choice or a say in what happened in the relationship?
I remember feeling so confused and actually kind of scared.
I looked back on my relationship with the men I’d dated and made note of a couple of words I’d heard more than once.
Words like controlling, ordering, and emasculating.
And I began figuring out exactly what these meant to men and to my ego that was feeling a bit hurt that I’d been perceived this way.
What I learned was ordering meant asking a man to do something the way you’d ask a woman to do it.
Controlling meant, telling him how to do whatever task you’ve asked him to do.
And emasculating meant, not letting him be who he is . . . a man who wants to do his best to please you.
So, I began trying out words with men to see how they’d react.
And I found what I now call the 4 Magic Words that men can actually hear and respond well to.
What are these 4 Magic Words?
“I need your help.”
So simple yet so hard for many of us to say.
We are so used to being independent that asking for help feels a bit like being perceived as weak.
But you’re not weak.
Nor was I.
But, I have to admit saying those 4 words was not easy at first.
I remember going up to the produce guy in the grocery store and practically choking on those magic words when I asked for his help in picking out a ripe cantaloupe.
What happened though surprised me.
His chest puffed up as he hurried over to the cantaloupes and started to check each one out.
When he found the right one, he looked up at me with the smile of a proud man.
I thanked him for his help and told him how much I appreciated him finding such a fine ripe cantaloupe.
I was so surprised to see his chest puff up even more as he told me, “Always a pleasure to help.”
I tried this experiment again at a different grocery store but this time when the produce guy proudly handed me the cantaloupe, I looked at him and said . . . “This is way too ripe. It’s going to rot before I even get it home. Maybe that one’s better. Or that one over there.”
The smile dropped off his face.
His body literally caved in like a puppy does when you say . . . “No, no, no to it.”
It was painful to watch and I felt terrible because truthfully the cantaloupe was quite ripe and smelled amazing.
I did apologize to him and told him what I was up to which set off a whole litany of stories about feeling emasculated that I won’t repeat here.
What I will share is that I learned 3 important lessons using the 4 magic words . . . I need your help.
#1 Men truly want to help you and make you happy and will do their best to make it happen.
#2 Men, like us, get hurt when they are criticized for what they do especially when they are trying to do their best at helping you.
#3 Men don’t like being told how to do their job.
Since that time, I’ve used the 4 magic words hundreds of times along with “thank you, I so appreciate it!”
And it’s helped me get my needs met by men over and over again.
In fact, when I use them, men always jump hoops to help me.
It really is magic!
I’d love to hear how these 4 magic words are working for you.
Let me know by posting your comment below.
Big hugs ~
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Copyright© 2023 Lisa Copeland. All rights reserved.
